Love or Self-respect

 Sometimes in order to make the relationship better, we end up ruining it.

Is the earth really round? Was the hen first or the egg? I was taking commerce in 11th is the right decision? Did you ever love me? These are those questions that don't necessarily have an answer. But it's important to make sure that we don't lose ourselves while finding these answers. 

I never told you this, but the joy your arrival brought to me was accompanied by the fear of you leaving. Or maybe I did, Remember how at the beginning of our relationship you said we'll go far a long trip in December. And I replied saying December is far. You thought I'm trying to tell you to not think of the future.

But I actually wanted to ask if you are also thinking of the future with me? Anyways, December was here and by then a lot of short trips were also done. And slowly, the joy of your arrival and fear of you leaving, both were gone.

And what was left behind was peace and the trust that you're always gonna be here always. They say, even in the hundreds of incomplete stories remains one finished exemplar. That's what we had. But life, Life often proves its controlling powers when we least expect it.

In the beginning, We worked out pretty well with our long-distance relationship but then you suddenly realized that it doesn't make much sense. How waiting for so long to meet someone doesn't make sense. I don't even recall how I felt at that moment because I didn't feel anything at all. I felt numb.

We didn't break up that day but my intuitive nature told me that, The day wasn't far. which is why when I sat down in the cab and you said that we would meet again soon, I deep down knew it was our last meeting. Anyways, I then returned to my city and there began my overthinking. 

When we don't have the answer to our queries, We tend to make up anything to convince ourselves. The question was, what exactly happened? why are you even thinking of ending us?

And my brain answered, It's you, it's your face, your body, your personality, your over-sensitive nature. It's everything. So overall it's just you. I had never felt so lonely in this big city. Probably because this was the first time I wasn't there for myself.

I used to wake up every day with the hope that you'll let it end this way. But nothing much used to happen. And instead, every night I used to find a new flaw within myself. A few months passed by and then I spoke to someone who made me see the situation clearly.

Made me realize how I'm running behind someone and seeking answers from him, Whose every statement is a question. I was talking to my self-respect. And that day, after crying, writing, and making myself understand. I let you go.

Thinking that if you really value our relationship then you'll come back. And I won't have to pressurize myself to see those efforts. But you didn't come back. It's been 2 years and you still admit that I let you go very easily.

That I didn't stop you. but I want to ask if you really value our relationship then why did you need me to stop you from leaving?  We humans often become so needy for love and care, that we put our self-respect at stake. This is wrong, and I have learned this after losing my self-respect many a time.

It's fine to make compromises in love, to bend down but not lower down our esteem in our own eyes. Because when that happened, we tend to position our better half as a superior. And when a relationship consists of a superior and an inferior then it exists for the sake of it, and not for living every bit of it.

So yes, I let you go. for myself and for my self-respect. 

And yes, It's wasn't me, my face, my body, my hair, my personality, or anything. It was just you. Who wasn't ready for the love I did? It was just you.